Question: I have been stuck in an extramarital affair with a married man since 15 long years. I am a married woman myself with two kids. He was my colleague and the relationship started with friendship and slowly turned romantic. Things went well for the first couple of years, later we became business partners, which made it easier for us to be together during the day and live as husband-wife. Slowly, the attraction and love deteriorated when he started controlling me and turned abusive. He is too emotional, moody, sensitive and has a bloated ego and when things go wrong, he threatens to tell my husband about our relationship. He gets extremely angry and abusive. He doesn’t want to end the relationship or adjust to the circumstances. He thinks that I need to notify him of every single action of mine. I feel trapped and don’t know how to get out of this. – By Anonymous
Answer by Dr Rajesh Goyal: In order to settle things, firstly you will have to stop getting intimate with him. Understand that what you have been doing is not only devastating your marriage, but is inordinately unfair to your spouse. You have broken the bond of trust and now caught up in such a difficult situation. However, now you should immediately get out of this relationship.
You are not a pet that anybody can dominate you. Being in a relationship is a mutual agreement. It is an enjoyable experience for both the people. When a relationship turns out to be a burden, it should be ended at the earliest. If he threatens you, just talk to his wife. You will have to handle the situation smartly.
that’s why he is trying to have control over you. First you should start resisting his commands. Do not get scared of his threats, face him strongly. However, as far as far his threat is concerned, I would suggest you to accept your mistake in front of your husband. Tell your spouse about the affair and go about mending the relationship together. Initially he may get annoyed with you, later on with time everything will be sorted out.